When will I stop acting?

Why do I act this way?? Why cant I be normal and be who I truly am??? Am I that useless and can't be true to my friends?? It's tiring...I lost the most important person in my life just coz of my mistake and only thinking about myself...サラング ごめんね。。。。見逃すよ。。coz of me being foolish and I not just hurt myself I hurt you the most....mian ne...jin jja...mian... :'( I'm so stupid...but you didn't know how I was being isolated by you...srsly I hated it...I guess that's when I only thought about myself :/
But right now this is how I only feel and feel like for a long while...